Mishty: Hello, I’m Mishty. D’you know, it’s my birthday today! I’m three years old and I’m a big boy now. I was two but now I’m three. I’m having a party in my new house. My new house is a bit yucky.
Me: It’s been ten days since we’ve moved. My back is broken, I’m worn out like a pair of old socks, and my face is sinking underneath dark circles but it’s done. All boxes have been emptied for this low key family celebration for Mishty’s third birthday. It may be a “yucky” house but at least it’s tidy.
Mishty: For my party, Daddy cooked lots of yummy food and I helped him. My mummy blew up the balloons and I tried but I couldn’t do it. We did lots of tidying up too.
Me: I am a zombie bumbling around like Hugh Grant’s character in every film he’s ever done. Hubby is doing everything while I dazedly blow up balloons in my pjs and stop Mishty from mangling the mushrooms with his blunt toy knife. I let him help me stuff things under the bed instead.
Mishty: I was a bit tired so I had a nap and when I woke up everyone was already here.
Me: I’ve spent 40 minutes cajoling, restraining, cuddling, ignoring, yelling and reasoning with Mishty to get him to calm down after he morphed into a rabid animal screaming, rolling around and jumping on the floor because I changed out of the maxi dress he initially described as “yucky”. He was pleading with me to “put the flowery one on” and I was pleading with him to go to sleep. Obviously he refused to lie down, adamant he wasn’t tired. When he finally fell asleep, it was time for the guests to arrive.
Mishty: D’you know in the garden we have a greenhouse and it has tomatoes in it. My nanu and dadhu found them. The tomatoes are not ready yet cos they are still green. That’s why it’s called a greenhouse because it makes tomatoes go green.
Me: I am rushing like a headless chicken to get food out while the two grandmas are demanding keys to the garden. Never mind finding the bloody keys and figuring out how to open the back door, how do I turn the sodding oven on? Why have you brought me tomatoes? Where’s the flipping pizza?
Mishty: I sang happy birthday and ate lots of yummy cake. It was chocolate, that’s my favourite. I wanted to eat the hedgehog’s foot. I blew all the candles out too. I said cheese and everyone took lots of pictures and then I played with my friends.
Me: Managed to get one decent family shot and thirty blurred ones. Why can’t the kid stay still?! Cake tastes good. Mmmmm. Jeez, Mishty is wolfing the stuff down like a kid who’s never seen food before. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for… and now I’m wondering how soon I can chuck people out after they’ve eaten so I can go to bed, preferably with more cake. Wait, it’s only 4pm? Well.. it’s dark enough at least.
Mishty: I got lots of presents – my daddy got me a fire engine and a nee-naw and ambulance and they have buttons and it makes noises like NEEEEEE NAWWWWWWWW which is really fun. I got a scooter and a fire station tent too which are the best things ever. I’m going to put it next to my castle which is reeeally big and really fun and I’m going to put all my toys in it. Sometimes I hide in there and play with my Lego. I like Lego.
Me: I have sirens wailing in my ears continuously and the tent has a wrong part which means I am fixing poles together with cellotape. This was supposed to replace the other tent which is torn but Mishty is refusing to let me take it down and has shoved everything inside there including an IKEA storage box which he is pretending is a bed. I hunch over inside awkwardly pretending to be a cat, wondering whether I could successfully pitch ‘Crouching Cat, Hidden Dinosaur’ to Hollywood film producers. My living room now resembles a polyester fire hazard and- OWWWARRRRGGGHHH – I just stepped on a Lego piece and want to amputate my foot to stop the pain.
Mishty: It’s my birthday so I can sleep in Mummy’s bed, yaay! I like being in Mummy’s bed, she is really snuggly. I really like being in the middle!
Me: Great, another night of me sleeping on the edge curled into a question mark while Mishty wriggles around, groping my earlobe and occasionally headbutting me in the face.
Mishty: That was soooo fun. Lets have another party tomorrow!
[Happy birthday Mishty! I love you lots, you are the best thing ever in my life. Love and hugs, from Mama Mishty. xxx]