“He looks just like his dad!”
I have heard this A LOT since Mishty was born and even now the resemblance is uncanny. And it’s not just the looks that he takes after. There are times when I watch the two of them mirroring each other and wonder whether I accidentally married a seven year old trapped in the body of a grown up.
1. A trail of crumbs and chaos
My mother in law warned me about Hubby’s habit of leaving socks lying randomly on the floor since he was a teen. In the ten years of marriage since, there has been some marginal improvement – he no longer leaves them on the dining table and has progressed to the vicinity of the laundry basket. Maybe in another ten years they’ll finally go in the basket. However, Mishty is now following in his stinky steps and I will find socks strewn across chairs, stairs and under the sofa like a bad surprise present. The Masters of Mess remain completely oblivious to the trail of crumbs and chaos they leave from never putting anything back. “What mess?” And then I point out the food left out, mouldy mugs, cupboard doors open, hoodies lying on the floor, random crap everywhere. Oh, that mess…
2. Sugar, Snobs and Slobs
Mishty has inherited Hubby’s sweet tooth and thinks the five a day rule applies to sugar and chocolate. Hubby has also passed on his taste for the finer foods to Mishty from an early age. Aged two, Mishty was demanding gnocchi and pesto for his snack when I hadn’t even tried both till I was twenty. At mealtimes, they will critique my cooking like a Greg Wallace / Marcus Wareing double-act, helpfully telling me that my noodles “lack depth of flavour” or that the fish fingers have “been cooked to perfection” or that my Chinese chicken “had an flavour combination that just didn’t work”. I can’t understand them. Mainly because they talk with their mouths full and eat like cavemen.
3. Hips don’t lie.
Mishty and Hubby will happily croon along to some classic Bon Jovi and play air guitar in our living room. Sadly, they have zero co-ordination or musical ability. If you stick a workout video on it’s like watching wooden puppets with tangled strings who can only move either the top or bottom half at a time. It’s too late for Hubby, his hips barely move but I hope for Mishty’s sake he can do more than the two step shuffle when he is older.
4. Knock Knock
Mishty is a funny kid. Except when he tries to tell a joke. The same is true of Hubby. It’s all in the delivery and like my H&M parcel, his seems to have gotten lost in the post. Mishty keeps trying to tell Knock Knock jokes but seems to have mistaken it for a ‘fill in the blanks’ question: Knock Knock! Who’s there? Teddy. Teddy Who? Teddy Bear. [If you think this is funny, you need to get out more].
5. Pump up the volume
They both have no idea how loud their voices are. Mishty will bellow at my mum in north London on FaceTime like he’s making a long distance phone call to Bangladesh thirty years ago. Hubby will bellow over him to make himself heard. I bellow back at them but no one is listening. Selective hearing is kicking in and they are both glued to their screens, meaning they both need to be told a minimum of three times and threatened with consequences before they bother to move.
6. The Procrastinator
Why do something now when you can do it later? This applies to everything from chores, to work to waiting till the last minute to go to the loo. Their reasons are different but the result is the same. Mishty has FOMO, whereas Hubby is trying to avoid doing anything. Just when it’s Hubby’s turn to change the nappy I am met with a strained expression and a desperate rush to the loo, only for Hubby to resurface a full eleven minutes later. Someone needs their Weetabix!
7. The search paradox
If you ask either of them to bring you something, they will dutifully go look and then report that they couldn’t find it. A cursory rummage brings no success and I end up having to find it myself, muttering how they couldn’t find a bee in a beehive even if it flew out, did the Floss and stung them in the arse. Paradoxically, if you try to hide any chocolate / sugar related products Mishty is able to sniff it out within moments.
But Mishty is also half of me and we are similar too. For example, we both have a lot of rage when we get hungry and he has my brains (but Hubby’s not so great work ethic) and generally any redeeming qualities comes from me.
I should probably also point out that Mishty gets his loving nature from Hubby, and while both are supremely irritating, they are also great at sharing food, not holding grudges and being affectionate. Hubby adores having a “mini me” to play Lego, football and wrestle with, and watching them together is like watching Twins, where twinning is winning!
Mishty in my belly 